Loved keeping hens over the years, you can wile away the hours just watching them
Life On The Plot
A paltry
poultry story by Paul Bright. Dec 2010
We were glad to get away from
the farm i can tell you- no not that farm at Langley CIA HQ silly; I mean
Paxcroft Farm the other side of Trowbridge!
1500 of us cooped up in that barn, so getting selected was pretty smart,
don’t you think? We just got grabbed by
the legs and stuffed in a box actually, not the correct way to handle a bird! Cor
can remember that day like yesterday, it was so hot in that box coming across
to Bath in the car, I tried to tell the little girl, Molly’s her name I think,
to give us some more air but she didn’t want to know, I think she was a bit scared
of us initially with our big feet, flappy wings and sharp beaks. You know
crammed in like that with my new buddies I had to keep my beak open just to
breathe.
Well, we soon arrived on ‘the
plot’ as we now call it, a small secluded allotment site surrounded by houses,
nevertheless, with the greenery etc we don’t feel overlooked as we need our privacy
when performing our ‘daily miracle’, yea we like it there and feel well
settled. Took a few days to sus out the place, however, bearing in mind that big
barn we came from and don’t forget we’re only youngsters, POL- point of lay
dummy, and learning the ropes. Anyway we
were put in this ark and run on ‘the plot’ under the plum tree, and didn’t know
we had to go down the ladder to get out, so we were stuck up there until the people
took us down. Same when it was time for bed we just thought we would be carried
up like kids but no, had to do it ourselves- got it sorted now, bit of
independence like.
I am glad we were given names by the people because it
means we won’t be eaten, least we hope not- we did hear one of the people say
they would put us in the pot after the first year and it doesn’t pay to keep hens
after their second laying season- we’ll take our chance, 4-5 years would be a
good life. We’ve got our private names of course but to you I’m Eeny, the dark
one and top of the pecking order and my buddies are Meeny, Miny and Moe, something
about a rhyme, or something.
You probably want to know
what breed we are- Highline one of the coolest layers going, none of our fancy
cousins like Buff Orpington who strut around the place, look pretty but don’t produce
the goods. It would be nice to have a bit of male company such as a Leghorn cockerel to keep us in order, we do like to misbehave,
and have a few kids running about the place- can’t believe the number of people
who don’t know how chickens are made. But we know it would upset the neighbours
and it’s against the allotment regs anyway- ‘cattle, dogs and poultry shall not
be kept in such places or in such a manner as to be a nuisance or annoyance to
the inhabitants’- sounding off at 3am on a summer’s morning wouldn’t do would it?
Now we soon got a daily
routine established- up with the sun, come down, bit of a pooh, drink and feed,
house cleaning, back up for the ‘miracle’- now that can be a pressure because
only two of us can get in the nesting box at one time and if you can’t wait
your have to lay it carefully on the landing! Once the egg has been discharged
you can take it easy and have a preen, that’s a personal clean, fluffy bottoms
and all that- we go mad after wet weather when there is a bit of sun coming through.
We need to preen the old feathers with the waxy stuff using the gland at the base
of our vent at the top of the tail, to waterproof the feathers again. We like a
bit of grit too to help the digestion, you see grit in the gizzard acts like
teeth for us-‘like hen’s teeth’ get it? We haven’t got any! The people tend to
come up in the afternoon and are pretty good on cleaning us out, getting the
goods of course and letting us have a run around and stretch our legs. A balanced
layers meal is just the ticket for us, ok like cats the same every day, and we
prefer the organic type. Greens-yep more the merrier and even a bit of pasta or
rice- eh some wise crack said we could be chicken tikka masala, sure!!!
Blue the black cat with the
bent ear is a bit of a pain and stalks us; we tolerate him and show whose boss
by making noises and flapping our wings at him. Monty the other one is much more
sensible and just watches us from a distance.
We like to grub around,
especially when the ground has been freshly dug, but have to be careful though,
and not get in the way of the spade or fork- it’s not nice on the foot you know!
We like to wander and ended once up over the fence in the next door
garden. The people haven’t clipped our
wings so we like to fly low and whizz around like a harrier. We do like a good
dust bath especially in the poly tunnel alongside the tomatoes where the soil
is warm and fine- keeps our plumage healthy, cool in hot weather and those nasty
insect pests at bay. We’re not too keen on the wind and rain that’s why we really
appreciate the people putting us in the poly tunnel over winter, smart move.
Even then the water has frozen over on occasions and its tough breaking it
through.
They usually coax us in with
some corn –fall for it nearly every time but occasionally give them the run round.
Might have a final drink before bed, and then at dusk it’s time to go up the
ladder and into the house for TV, knitting,
watch a film like Chicken Run etc before wing over the head and settle down for
the night on the bar.
Now
i gotta explain a bit more about the ‘daily miracle’. The people say it is ‘a miracle’ every time we lay one- they’re right
of course- a miracle as you know is ‘An event that appears inexplicable by the
laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God: One
that excites admiring awe’. Our eggs are
beautifully packaged and one can recycle the
shell in all sorts of ways. Eggs last a long time, you don’t have to keep them
in the fridge by the way, and as for value for money, I cost £7, well there is
the cost of the feed but think how many I lay- for instance 1 a day, hardly
miss, that’s hundreds in a year, thousand
or so in a life time!
Listen a few facts about eggs, you need to follow this closely, it’s a bit technical- eggs develop one by one in us and become detached and slip into the oviduct- along a twisted tube ending in the vent or anus through which our droppings and eggs pass on leaving the body. You see the oviduct is in two parts. In the first portion the white or albumen is deposited around the yolk of the egg- takes 3-5hrs and in the second part of the oviduct the shell is made which is another 15hrs, got to get the packaging right for the customer otherwise it’s a mess, oh and there’s no date on it, you have to do that yourself- so you see we’ve always got one on the go. Sometimes we do a double yoker just for a laugh. Recently Meeny laid a 100g egg a real whopper. (3.5oz)
As yet we haven’t had any
hassle from the fox and keep pretty well thanks. We only start to moult after
12months beginning early autumn and haven’t been tempted or tested with getting
broody, feather eating, egg eating, egg binding, prolapses, common colds, roup,
cramp, liver disease, fowl cholera, crop bound, or Newcastle disease whatever
that is! On Guy Fawkes Night our owners
had made a bonfire and we overheard someone say to them you could have roast
chicken- not funny!
What do we contribute?- fresh manure for sure, the very best you can
get- per bird per day is over 90g (4oz)- in fact if you had 100 birds you would
make nearly four tons a year, think about that...deep pooh! Our eggs are freeish
range- £1.20 half doz to you, normally £1.76 check out the colour of the yoke,
oh and let’s not forget creating amusement, pleasure- we’ve quite a repertoire of
sounds, don’t mind being picked up and stroked, we keep the bugs down, make the
new neighbours feel welcome and grub over their freshly dug ground.
Well, time to wind up, why
don’t you come up and see us sometime, we’ll show you around the plot and if you
have time then join us for a meal. On the menu this week is a smoked salmon
soufflé starter, Lancashire Tart main course, accompanied by fresh veg from the plot, and for pud a choice
of chocolate roulade, crème caramel or pavlova- all with fresh eggs of course! Yeah
come on up, we’re always in!
PS. Post
meal entertainment: The World's Longest List
of Chicken Sayings...! http://www.chickenvideo.com/sayings.html
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